MONTREAL, When people are asked to describe their ideal partner, most will gush about the importance of kindheartedness, loyalty, and passion. Few will bring up traits related to emotional intelligence, such as resilience, self-awareness, and good social insight.
Yet, according to research conducted by PsychTests.com, these are precisely the traits that characterize people who have been struck firmly in the tush by Cupid’s arrow.
Analyzing data collected from 34,848 people who took the Emotional Intelligence Test, PsychTests’ researchers compared people who are in a relationship and happy and those who are coupled up but miserable. Here are the top 10 characteristics that differentiated these two groups:
NUMBER 10: INSIGHTFULNESS
Score for the happy lovers: 85
Score for the unhappy lovers: 71
Happy lovers are good at reading their partner. They understand their partner’s quirks, worries and fears, what makes them happy or sad, and why they behave the way they do. They know their partner inside and out.
NUMBER 9: SELF-AWARENESS
Score for the happy lovers: 85
Score for the unhappy lovers: 71
Happy lovers hold no illusions about themselves. They know their strengths and weaknesses, their turn-ons and turn-offs, and what they need in order to make themselves happy, rather than placing that responsibility on the shoulders of their partners.
NUMBER 8: AVOIDANCE OF RUMINATION
Score for the happy lovers: 36
Score for the unhappy lovers: 78
Happy lovers don’t overthink things. They don’t create problems where none exist, don’t obsess over every little thing their partner does or doesn’t do, and are able to keep situations in perspective.
NUMBER 7: FACING CONFLICT HEAD-ON
Score for the happy lovers: 73
Score for the unhappy lovers: 55
As unpleasant as it may be, happy lovers face conflicts as they arise and before they escalate. They strive to understand their partner’s point of view, take responsibility for their own role in causing a fight, and focus on compromise rather than winning.
NUMBER 6: DEALING WITH STRESS IN A HEALTHY MANNER
Score for the happy lovers: 80
Score for the unhappy lovers: 53
Happy lovers use healthy coping strategies to manage stress. They don’t take their frustration out on their partner, blame other people for their problems, or curl up into a little ball under their bed. Instead, they seek solutions, talk things out, and ask for help when necessary.
NUMBER 5: SELF-MOTIVATION
Score for the happy lovers: 74
Score for the unhappy lovers: 43
Happy lovers don’t rely on other people to push them into action. They have a strong inner drive that allows them to achieve goals, overcome obstacles, and improve themselves as well as their relationships.
NUMBER 4: POSITIVE ATTITUDE
Score for the happy lovers: 77
Score for the unhappy lovers: 37
Happy lovers don’t rain on their partner’s parade, nor do they assume problems will resolve themselves. They don’t pretend that everything is fine when it’s not. They are realistic optimists who prepare for the worst but focus on the best.
NUMBER 3: EMOTIONAL CONTROL
Score for the happy lovers: 75
Score for the unhappy lovers: 33
They’re not Zen-like Buddhist monks, but happy lovers are fairly patient and pretty good at controlling their temper. They won’t take their frustration out on their partner, and will strive to remain calm and poised even when they are in the heat of an argument.
NUMBER 2: SELF-ESTEEM
Score for the happy lovers: 83
Score for the unhappy lovers: 33
It’s been said many times, but it’s hard to be happy in a relationship when people aren’t happy with themselves. Having a loving partner can certainly improve self-esteem to a certain degree, but only self-love, self-confidence, and a strong sense of self-respect can make a person feel whole. Happy partners recognize their value and most importantly, love themselves.
NUMBER 1: RESILIENCE
Score for the happy lovers: 83
Score for the unhappy lovers: 32
Happy lovers may be sweet and cuddly in a relationship but they are tough in the face of hardship. When life throws obstacles or problems in their path, they won’t back down or blame their fate on an unfair world. No matter how many times they may get kicked down, happy lovers will get back up again.
“It’s interesting to see these ‘non-romantic’ traits playing such an important role in relationship satisfaction. Before this study, we hypothesized that empathy and good social skills would have the strongest impact, but their influence was much weaker than we expected.” explains Dr. Ilona Jerabek, president of PsychTests. “We thought empathy would top the list, but both groups scored within 3 points of each other – 72 vs. 69 for happy and unhappy people respectively. As for social skills, there was a 10-point difference in favor of the happy lovers, but both groups had pretty good scores – 83 vs. 73.”
“Relationship experts have been touting this for many years – having a happy relationship starts from within. If your self-esteem is in shambles, if you are disconnected from your own emotions or if you fall apart when stress strikes, you are more likely to have a difficult time in relationships. Granted, you might find a very good and emotionally stable partner who can help you overcome your difficulties – and mutual support is essential in relationships – but you can’t use your partner as a crutch all the time. We have been asked many times about the key to finding love, or the key to creating a happy relationship, and our studies tell the same story over and over. Work on loving and improving yourself. You will attract more emotionally healthy and happy partners when you are in a good emotional state.”
About PsychTests AIM Inc.
PsychTests AIM Inc. originally appeared on the internet scene in 1996. Since its inception, it has become a pre-eminent provider of psychological assessment products and services to human resource personnel, therapists and coaches, academics, researchers and a host of other professionals around the world. PsychTests AIM Inc. staff is comprised of a dedicated team of psychologists, test developers, researchers, statisticians, writers, and artificial intelligence experts.
This article was shared with Prittle Prattle News as a Press Release by PRNewswire
