Like an auntie who just saw the neighbor’s girl with a boy, I have lots to talk about this week.
But, first, we saw the unbelievable Pluto flyby, a testimonial to the power of art and curiosity that warned us yet again of our place in the world.
1. As the name suggests, Old Monk was first cooked in the hills by an actual monk because living in an abbey is so dull that following sugarcane juice ferment looks like the legit game. So old Monk is made using the mustache hair of a military officer placed no lower than a colonel. Hence, the cracks of a first-year engineering senior who just got dumped and, in response, will spend the next four years using the classic T-shirt that says ‘99% of girls are taking the bottom are in my college’.
2. Old Monk is made in Ghaziabad, a city that yields a border with Delhi and is recognized for its wide variety of crimes. It likes to say that it’s part of the Delhi-NCR region in the same way that Kambli wants to tell people that he’s Sachin’s most loyal friend.
3. Old Monk was the most comprehensive selling dark rum in the world for years also is India’s most admired export after Anil Kapoor’s English at the Oscars. But, oddly satisfying, the world’s most OK leftovers also come from India. See, that’s the kind of loyalty I can get behind. Once I’m done with these six packages of chips, that is.
4. The large Old Monk bottle is a power design because it shows you the exact pattern you’ll turn inside if you don’t stop partying. But, unfortunately, you can also smack bodies over the head with it when they start intellectualizing the spirits instead of locking up and drinking them.